"JOKE OF THE MONTH"

The rules are simple to win: No "xxx" jokes, sorry. Kit Menkin cannot win  (relatives, friends and employees can enter and win). Please note, if in the decision of the judges there is no "best" joke, a previous month may be included, and like in horseshoes, there are no ties. Winners of previous months can also win a second or third time - There is no limit.

Please send me your favorite joke. The first one to send it, not only gets the credit, but a good bottle of wine or a box of chocolates (the winner’s choice).

Winner for September

Samuel R. Swift, A.P.L.C.
San Jose, California

"Stock Tip"

Subject: Investment Tip for Bear Market

If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49. If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79.

Beer is then a better investment than Nortel.

Samuel R. Swift, Esq. "... half my clients are injured firefighters in the Santa Clara Valley."

Sam has been married for 21 years to Kathleen Diquisto, who is the daughter of San Jose City Councilperson for District 9, John Diquisto. Kathy and I have 5 children (hers, mine, and ours) who range in age from 28 to 13. The 28 yr old, Skye Dunlap, a former photographer for the Metro newspapers who is now a photojournalistic-style wedding photographer, is the one who passed along the bin Laden sex-change "joke" yesterday. The other 4 kids are, respectively, working for a Nortel contractor installing and uninstalling computers (Joe), attending USC law school (David), attending Vanderbilt & currently on semester abroad in Florence (Lea), and attending 8th grade at Challenger School (Maryann).

One of his passions is playing tennis, which he plays 3 times a week." If any of your readers is looking for a good pick-up tennis game (skill level 4.0 or higher), this is an open invitation to visit "Club Willow" any afternoon from 3:00 on. "Club Willow" is actually the public tennis courts at River Glen Park, located on Willow Street near its intersection with Meridian Ave in San Jose., he states. " Anyone who is interested, but is too shy to just show up at the courts, should email me for more info."

Sam is a Stanford Law graduate ('73) who represents injured workers in connection with their workers' compensation claims.

"Close to half my clients are injured firefighters in the Santa Clara valley, " he says." My office is in the Santa Clara Valley Labor Center (formerly known as the Labor Temple). I support and participate in the activities of the local trade union movement, and have spent much time and effort in the last 3 years passing a workers comp benefit increase bill thru the state legislature, only to have the Governor veto it twice so far, with the 3d veto likely in the next few days.

"I am troubled by the flag waving of the last 3 weeks to the extent that it represents a jingoistic attitude that blindly accepts US foreign policy w/o questioning the aspects of that policy which created the very problem we must now solve. It seems similar to me to the "Love it or leave it" attitude I confronted during the years I struggled to stop the Vietnam war. The world situation we confront today is extremely complicated and dangerous, and much of that danger is the result of US foreign policy over the last 50 years. Although holding Mr. bin Laden responsible for his unspeakably horrific actions is absolutely necessary (a pacifist I am not), it is far from a sufficient solution to the problem which our government is largely responsible for creating in the Middle East and Central Asia.

"As I dismount from my soapbox, I am cognizant of the fact that my having submitted a winning joke (which I did not author, by the way), and your having asked me to "write about myself, anything you want", was not intended to be a license to launch into a "concerned" polemic. However, the events of 09/11 and their aftermath are so cataclysmic, in my view, that I could not bring myself to simply provide you with a description of "Sam Swift - lite".

Sincerely,

Samuel R. Swift

Past Jokes of the Month