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Kit Menkin


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The rules are simple to win: No "xxx" jokes, sorry. Kit Menkin cannot win  (relatives, friends and employees can enter and win). Please note, if in the decision of the judges there is no "best" joke, a previous month may be included, and like in horseshoes, there are no ties. Winners of previous months can also win a second or third time - There is no limit.

Please send me your favorite joke. The first one to send it, not only gets the credit, but a good bottle of wine or a box of chocolate (the winner’s choice).

Winner for March

John and I have known each other from the very early days of the formation of the Association of Credit Grantors of Santa Clara County, where I was one of the former directors and president. He was in charge of Trans World Credit for Northern California.

John today is Division Vice President of the Trans Union Insurance. Actually, he calls himself a "retread". After many years in the "retail department store credit business" he was hired by Trans Union ("This was many years ago," he adds) The name was "3C's", for Computer Credit Corp. The company purchased the local retail merchants credit bureaus in Los Angeles in the early 70's, and converted it to the new federal Consumer Credit mandates. When he completed this, he says, "TRW came to town and took over. I had a good run and recaptured market share and expanded to other western territories."

He left to become an entrepreneur in "...what turned out to be 15 years of intrepreneurial highs and lows. One high, was starting as a software publisher, with son Erik and wife Marilyn."

The product, CrediTRAX, is serving well over 100 Equipment leasing companies as the credit bureau access link used by System1 and Brokerware.

"the opportunity to return to Trans Union was too great to pass and we relocated to Beautiful St Charles, Illinois on the Fox River, he says. "Erik and Marilyn are doing well with the business, without me, though I think Erik would prefer the California climate!"

Joke of the Month

The Internet Warnings

I was on my way to the post offiice to pick up my case of free M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the goverment made them change their name to KFC).

Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in a bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note in his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use the phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass email from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to anyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidney but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from a hospital-- the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-amils and one of them was a bunch of X's and O's in a shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer that 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without his lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as a part of gang initiation.

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their mail and you will recieved 4 green M&Ms--if you don't the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satinist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get sick from the Sodioum Laureth Sulfate in your Shampoo, your spouse/mate will develop a skin rash from using the antiperspirant wich clogs the pores under your arms, and the US goverment will put a tax on your e-mails forever. And hackers can view you though your monitor. I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the internet.

John Wold

Past Jokes of the Month


Dash Menkin of Elko, Nevada
The Blonde and the Attorney

Jim Hanzlik of Watsonville, California
A big box of See's favorite, Millenium Tin Collector,
plus a Valentine Day box to give to his sweetheart

Dan Sorkin of Piedmont, California
A case of Chateau St. Julien Monterey Merlot
Third Time Winner

Stewart Kahn of Los Angeles, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

Randy Warshawsky of San Jose, California
1994 Joullian Cabernet Sauvignon, Carmel Valley
1996 Castillo Saugiuvese

Dougald Turnbull of Campbell, California
1989 Georis Cabernet Sauvignon, Carmel Valley
1995 Turnbull Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley, Oakville

Wally Lunny of San Francisco/Glen Elen, California
A case of 1997 Chateau St. Julien Monterey Estate Merlot

Second Time Winner

Kevin Skelly of Saratoga, California
1994 Robert Sinskey Pinot Noir Reserve, Los Carneros, Napa Valley
1995 Robert Sinskey Merlot Reserve, Los Carneros, Napa Valley


Chris Cross of Hayward, California
1997 Duckhorn Vineyard Napa Valley Sauvignon Blanc,
1996 Clos Du Bois Sonoma County Pinot Noir
and a box of Schurras Fancy Chocolate

John Turnbull of Mendocino, California
1995 Turnbull Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley, Oaksville

Jerry Jacob,
San Rafael, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

Bob Bressler, Los Altos Hills, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

R. Donald Chapman, San Jose, California
1994 Chateau Latour a Pomerol, prop. Mme. L.P. Lacaste Loubal

Jim Beck, Los Gatos, California
1994 Estate Grown Copper-Garrod Cabernet Sauvignon, Santa Cruz Mountain Appellation



Russ Mattos, Mountain View, California
Two great tickets plus parking pass for the Monday Night San Francisco 49ergame at 3Com Park

Kim Davison, San Jose, California
Case of 1998 Campus Oaks Chardonnay

Dan Sorkin, Piedmont, California
Two pound box of Godiva Chocolate and second time winner,
one pound box of Godiva Truffles

Rosalie, Santa Cruz, California
1995 "Reserve Speciale" Barons de Rothschild (Lafite)Medoc

Dan Sorkin, Piedmont, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

Jim Swander, Bellevue, Washington
1989 Ridge Santa Cruz Mountain Monte Bello

Nanette Weintraub, Los Gatos, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

Walter J. Lunny, III, San Francisco/Glen Ellen, California
1976 Bolla Amarone Classico Chianti

Jim Hanzlik, Watsonville, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

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