Russ Mattos of Mountain View, California is the Winner of the Joke of the Month for December.

Russ is Kit’s son-in-law, married to his eldest daughter, Tascha.

He is attending De Anza Junior College, working toward an AA degree in business, then plans to attend a four year college. He works full time as a disability representative for El Camino Hospital. He is both an avid reader and sports fan, particularly football, but his favorite, that he is still very active: skateboarding.

We have three categories of jokes: General, Attorney, and Blue Plate Special. Last year, due to some comments from attorneys about making fun of their profession, we asked for comments. You guessed it. Overwhelmingly we were told to continue sending them. There were also several attorneys who told us we had the best collection they have seen.

I must admit that I have slowed down sending them. They really have to be good, as I still feel guilty we had sent out so many last year. The ones Russ sent in were so good, I thought I would send them out. Our joke panel agreed and out of six choices, this was chosen number one.

As prizes in the past, we have given either a very good bottle of wine or pound of Godiva Chocolate. The winner gets the choice. But we also have given two pounds of Godiva Chocolate, plus a pound of Godiva Truffles, a case of good Chardonnay, and this time, Russ gets two great tickets plus parking pass for the Monday Night San Francisco 49er game at 3COM.

Lawyer Jokes

What do lawyers use for birth control?
* Their personalities.

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
* A tick falls off of you when you die.

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
* To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
* They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
* You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
* He gets taller.